Butterball has a hotline you can call if you’re having a turkey emergency in November or December. It’s 1-800-BUTTERBALL, and they’ve had it for 34 years.

But along with all the real questions, they hear plenty of ridiculous ones. So some Butterball employees just shared the dumbest questions they’ve ever heard. Here are five of the best:

1. “How do I roast my turkey so it gets golden brown tan lines in the shape of a bikini.” The recommendation was strategically using foil.

2. “Why doesn’t my turkey have any breast meat?” It turned out the turkey was upside-down.

3. “How much will my turkey expand when it cooks.” The answer is not at all.

4. “I won my turkey at a casino, and it thawed on my lap while I rode the bus home. Can I eat it?” They didn’t recommend eating it after it thawed in warm temperatures.

5. “I carved my turkey with a chainsaw. Is the chain grease going to adversely affect my turkey?” The answer is yes, don’t serve it or it might KILL someone.